I really wish these snakes were your arms

What am I supposed to do with this pain?
One day, girl, you'll know what to do.
One day it will make sense to you.
For now it can become my stories, my movies, my songs.
But my art is dark and savage.
I take pain and turn it black.
It never gets used for good, so my pain begets more pain.
It never goes away.
How do people take pain and use it to grow?
Pain has only buried me deeper.
One day, girl, you won't be alone.
I'm tired of hearing that I am terrifying.
I'm a monster.
I need someone who isn't stricken with fear by my lack of feeling.
I make them all think I have no feelings and then they came out for you and I wanted to be sick.
I feel like I should tell you that my heart is broken because of you.
But then you'll know my secret;
That I do feel things.
One day I'll know what being happy means
But I know I'll never be happy with what I have.


I don't want to find someone I have to hide my demons from, I just want someone whose demons will play well with mine.