fuck the pain away

Every guy I've ever been with left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I'm stuck in a cycle of  using new guys to wash out the taste of the last one.
I realized why I've never had a boyfriend.
It's because every guy I've ever wanted to date was dating someone else already.
And all they wanted from me was sex.
Then there would come a time when they wanted more.
But by then I would only have one thing to give.
I'm on a mission.
I want as many people as possible.
I thought sleeping with guys once wasn't making me happy.
So I tried you twice.
And now I'm upset that I slept with you when I could have been fucking someone new.
I thought it would help me forget about him.
But it made the hurt come back.
I thought it would help knowing he was no longer the last guy I slept with.
Now I wish he still was.
I'm promising myself now that it's never happening again.
Because I'm weak and if I don't put it in writing I'll have another relapse.
I think I have a problem.
I have gone against my biology for so long that my body is fighting back.


Every word you speak to me is venom
And crushed is every piece of me beneath you
In your fists I am a sandstone cracking
Between the lines upon your palm I've stained you

i dont know what this means