by midnight tonight.

I stitched my heart together just in time to rip it apart again.

How many times in a season can a heart possibly break?

I'm thinking back and wishing I never spent so much time with you.

I wish we never climbed that hill and watched the sun rise.

I wish I never held your hand in the middle of camp, with everyone around us and having no cares.

I wish I never stared at the stars with you for hours that last night.

I wish you never asked me to bed that night. I almost went to my own. I said good night and hugged you for what I thought would be the last time. Then you asked me to your bed and I swayed.

I wish you never sent me those words.

"i'll pick you up."

No wonder I have feelings now. Fuck.

But I am proud of myself today.

Because I made an adult decision.

I am not going to continue this with you.

There is no way this could end well on the path it's going.

I need to cut this cord.

I need to end this hurt.

I hope I don't see you before I go.

I hope I don't have to tell you this is over. 

I hope you just know.

Because if you try to keep this going, I don't know how strong I will be.

As much as I stare at my phone with wide-eyed anticipation when I hear it buzz, I hope you don't text. 

This is the last night I read your messages of love.

This is the last night I think of our bodies together. 

This is not love.

This is not the love I'm meant for.

This is the last time I make this mistake.