only if for a night.

I just want it to be known that I was really excited about my life today. I feel like I'm steering in the right direction and I'm actually gaining some momentum in my life's progression. Number one priority for me for years has been my career. Pursuing a work life that would keep me satisfied for decades. Getting on the IA crew, putting stages together for huge shows as much as I can. Being on the City crew and putting up sound for events they put on for the people of Calgary. All leading to me being accepted onto the crew for PK Sound, where I learn more than I hoped that I could. Making friends with people there, talking about their lives on the road touring with the greatest EDM producers in the world. And I can see myself there in years to come. I can feel my dream coming true.

I've finally figured out what I want to be doing in school. It's stressful as always but I'm so satisfied to continue my learning. I know I have my whole life to work so I might as well be in school now. If I want to stop going one day before I've graduated, I think it will be okay. Because I'm learning enough to make it worthwhile regardless if I get the degree in the end or not. I don't feel boxed in, or caged.

I paid the deposit for a spot on a retreat when I finish this coming semester. Ten days in the Dominican Republic, all focuses on learning circus arts, my newest love. Being able to separate myself from my money is dramatically hard for me. I like to hoard it. But money isn't worth anything unless you use it, so I've forced myself to buy another trip. My Europe trip saved my soul and I wanted to go again but I need to save more money because next year I hope to do a semester abroad. I need these things to keep me motivated, to keep doing well in school, to pursue my dream job.

My career and my passions are hugely important to me and my friends are valued just as evenly. The three things that keep me alive, that give me a sense of happiness. I've learned I'm not quite as good at making friends as I think I should be. I really like to tear into people, figure out their life story, what they're about. Their pains and struggles, passions and fears. But this doesn't help me make friends, it makes it really hard. Most people don't like another person seeing in and finding all this about them. I don't actually have any casual friendships. So any friend I have is one I truly cherish to know. This thought has helped me a lot with accepting the fact that I have made no real friends in the year and a half I've been at this college. I have two that I regularly say hi to in the halls or class but have never seen outside of school. I hope it's because the school is so big that I typically don't have more than one class with any other person in a semester. I fear it's just because of me.

On the note of friends, I am ecstatic that I get to see one of my best friend's get married in less than a month. To be at her bachelorette party. A girl I've known since I was 13. It's kind of mushy but I think it's beautiful.

So much to be excited and happy for.