Running Downhill In The Dark

And it hit me that love is a game,
like in war; no one can be blamed.
Yes, it struck me that love is a sport,
so I pushed you a little bit more.

I heard this on the way to school and I thought of my wife.
 And I remembered she lives many miles away from me.
And I was saddened. Because I miss her bunches. 



There's More To Life Than Being Alive.

Currently Feeling : Misanthropic, agoraphobic and antisocial.

I literally despise the greater part of humanity. There are just a lot of fucking useless people in the world.
I don't like that I have to deal with stupid people every day of my life. You have a miraculously designed mind with an infinite capability for learning, so why not put some use to it? 

If you get high every day of your life, you're probably a loser. If you still hang out with friends you met in elementary school and you are an adult, you are probably a loser. If you find yourself behaving the same way you did as a toddler, you are a fucking loser. I could be cynical or self absorbed, but I think I'm just mostly annoyed and unsatisfied with what I'm getting from the world. I am surrounded by infantile adults. I could go on forever and I have my arguments, but I won't bother writing them here. Judge me as you see fit. You're probably a loser anyway. 


It's been an interesting day. Nothing really happened, besides the fact that with every passing moment, I'm less and less enchanted with life.

This feels like clockwork again. I'm bored with things.
I hate my life.
I love my life.

Right at this moment, I'm agoraphobic and antisocial. I despise a great deal of humanity. 
I'd like to stay inside and watch old movies.
But as soon as I start, I just get bored again.

I've slept most of the day. I don't know how to handle my thoughts sometimes.
I want to create.
I want to destroy.

I'm afraid for tomorrow, and so enthralled by how different I'll feel. Or just maybe, how similar.
I want to see the world.
I want to hide from it.

I don't know what I'm feeling. But I do want it to stop.


Shake. Rattle. Roll.

I never thought this would happen. Somehow, I've ended up the asshole. Have I learned nothing?
Still, no regrets. Time is the greatest teacher but it kills all of its pupils.

I cleaned a great deal of my bedroom today.
I truly believe clearing the clutter will further develop some sort of clarity in my mind. 

While I know exactly what I'm fighting for, I don't know what I want. 
My path to happiness is a self-destructive one.
Is this how it's supposed to be? 
I need to read more books.

And even though I have to squint to see them,
I'm just glad I have goals in sight.


I dig my grave; you stop me dead.
I heard your voice and turned my head.
We locked our eyes before you said;
"You're down there now, so make your bed 
because you'll need somewhere to lie
when all of your emotions die."