It won't end here. Your faith has got to be greater than your fear.

Alright, so with everyday that goes by, I try to understand myself a little better. I'm so young, I haven't had much time to understand the complete functionality of my mind and my heart. But I'm learning through the way I feel for you. I'm holding out. My past is kind of funny, the way I pursue and chase a man and claw him into my grasp. Then toss them far away once I've tried them out. Yes, it sounds deprave and maybe it's quite whoreish. But I will maintain that I am quite hard to get. I spent a long time hating myself and thinking I was disgusting so since I've been aware that I've got the goods to play the game, dammit, I am playing it to the death. This means I will never be anyone's girlfriend. I've liked this boy for a very long time and it's great, he likes me back. Fun's over now. All it is about for me is making guys who don't love me, love me. So when the boy comes back, we may just meet again and go a little farther. But I wish for the good of us both that he doesn't ask me that horrid question. I really just hope no one does. Now I see that no matter how long I can pursue and pine for one person, the moment that my catcalls are requited, well, that's just when I don't want to play anymore. I don't know for sure if this is a problem. For them it is, because I'm just like some guy who sleeps around and throws the girl away after a night. I guess I'm sorry I'm like this but it's the way I am and I can't fake feeling for someone. I'm too young and free and I have no time for that. I can't have you gone for months while I'm at home missing you and inevitably pouncing on someone else while you're gone. I'll never be faithful. It's like my head is built around this condo building and to have you live here, means moving into a two bedroom to fit all of your stuff and time and love but I just can't move out of my studio apartment. My loft, permanently full of labour and travel and art. I can move it around a little bit for him to stay a while but he's gonna have to leave before my things gather dust. I'm just not meant to be a girlfriend.

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