She wears the leather; I wear the makeup.

I've decided to apply to ACAD. I'm satisfied I've made a decision and found a program that looks almost perfect, save for the cost.  But I'm a bit terrified about having to be an art student. I'm going to be honest, I generally do not like people. An art school like ACAD will be plentiful of the personalities I find most deplorable. There are a few big reasons I never went to study theatre, even when it was my most preferred creative outlet for two years in high school. There are egos abound and it's something I could not see myself being strong enough to suffer through for the years it would take to get a degree and then in the time it would take to find a satisfying career. I went to school for a year in another passion, made about five friends instead of thirty and ignored the egos of people I never had to see again after a few months. I haven't made a career out of what I studied but it's okay because I have a very specialized knowledge that will always make me feel somewhat accomplished.

I work in a restaurant, where at least four of the servers are "actors" and one is 40 with a degree and is an accomplished playwright. Every day is a horrible broken dreams assembly that has only served to aggravate my itching desire for more education and a career that will make me money and make me happy. The guys I know who are actors are pretty awful people and make me overjoyed that I never went to theatre school.

Now the trouble in my future is that the dense population of socially inept and overly self-involved characters that you find in theatre is very alive in the visual arts. I remember art class in grade 10. The teacher was a cracked out space case and my best friend stole my concepts, so yea, I didn't continue. I'm not a good artist on paper but I can pull some very effectual concepts out of nothing. I could really make a living if I got my skills up to par, which would certainly require years of study. Many artists like to just make things that look nice without translating any sort of ides or information and these are the kinds I don't get along with.

These are people who think everything is beautiful and worth noting. I don't understand this notion. If nothing ceases to be beautiful, how can it be valuable? How can it be really worth looking at if it's the same as everything surrounding it? Why is it bad for things to be ugly? I understand being optimistic and seeing perhaps the good in everything, but no, beauty is not inherently existent in whatever you see. Then someone will say "But beauty is in the eye of the beholder! It's all subjective." Fine. I can agree with that. But I can not take anyone seriously who thinks every rusty lawn chair, or ivy-clad brick wall needs it's picture taken and story told. Some things are just ugly. I contend that most things are. I don't think there is beauty in every person. The "everyone is beautiful" bullshit needs to stop being perpetuated because it is not helpful. There needs to be more emphasis on that fact that being seen as beautiful is not a validation for happiness. Being seen as ugly should not make someone depressed. What you look like without the add-ons is how you were born and it doesn't deserve personal praise nor abuse. Being pretty is not an achievement. If you're ugly, just be an ugly fuck and be great at something else. I don't see posters that say "Everyone sings like a classic-trained soprano." It would make everyone feel great about their singing voice, but it wouldn't be true. Saying everyone and everything is beautiful is shit and devalues real beauty. This kind of thing makes it easy for art students to create acclaimed pieces from overall garbage ideas. But then again, that's just art

In the end, I hope none of this is really true of the art students I'll meet at ACAD. I think most of my harbored resentment comes from going to art classes in school for years with a close friend who consistently got great praise. She was amazing at execution but my concepts had a lot more depth and thought then hers did. All I learned was that most people only care about what looks nice.

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