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13.4.13

Do you really think I easily bruise?

I did a bad thing. I don't regret it.
I don't know which part makes me a bad person but I know I am.

I've chosen to live a life void of regrets.
Because I know everything I've done, at some point was exactly what I wanted.
So I let my mistakes live in their moment. In the past.
But when the past is still fresh and close I can't help but feel it's too hard to live through.

I guess I could be like every other girl.
I could hug and kiss and cuddle and date and try to love someone.
But then I could get my heart broken again.
And I can't have that.
So it will be me that plays the man and spreads the seed and runs into the wild.

Then I remember that girls don't like that man. He's an asshole. But he's happy.
I feel like an asshole but I don't feel happy.
I know this is better though.
I know I have to run.

I can't believe you opened up to me like that.
Like you thought you could break my shell.
I'm a fucking fallout shelter.

This isn't a revenge thing. But I won't feel bad.
Because what I've done to you, you did to me first.

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