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25.1.15

you never realize how beautiful a sunrise is until it is the last thing you ever wanted to see.
somehow i slept through the pain of the night.
i tried so hard to help you but i'm useless.
the only thing i know about pain is that it goes away when you inflict it on yourself.
to control pain is to turn it into new pain.
i carved a warning into a wall of stone. you wrote yours with the tip of your finger in the beach.
it was gone by sunset.
i wasn't made for this.
they broke the rules when i was born.
'of course you are' she said between snarling lips and closed teeth.
i give bad advice and can't make you feel better.
all i know is to feed you because to starve is death.

who is happy in a sea of carcasses
put up your hand if you were the first here to die
i begged you to stay.
begged.
i bent my back to be beautiful.
before the beginning of the black moon.
are you surprised that i used you?
remember what i told you.
i am not that girl.
do not put me on that shelf.

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