by midnight tonight.

I stitched my heart together just in time to rip it apart again.
How many times in a season can a heart possibly break?
I'm thinking back and wishing I never spent so much time with you.
I wish we never climbed that hill and watched the sun rise.
I wish I never held your hand in the middle of camp, with everyone around us and having no cares.
I wish I never stared at the stars with you for hours that last night.
I wish you never asked me to bed that night. I almost went to my own. I said good night and hugged you for what I thought would be the last time. Then you asked me to your bed and I swayed.
I wish you never sent me those words.
"i'll pick you up."

No wonder I have feelings now. Fuck.

But I am proud of myself today.
Because I made an adult decision.
I am not going to continue this with you.
There is no way this could end well on the path it's going.
I need to cut this cord.
I need to end this hurt.
I hope I don't see you before I go.
I hope I don't have to tell you this is over. 
I hope you just know.
Because if you try to keep this going, I don't know how strong I will be.
As much as I stare at my phone with wide-eyed anticipation when I hear it buzz, I hope you don't text. 
This is the last night I read your messages of love.
This is the last night I think of our bodies together. 
This is not love.
This is not the love I'm meant for.
This is the last time I make this mistake.

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