I don't know how my mind gets to these places. It's already 3am and I don't know why I'm still up. I can't listen to music, it's swaying my emotions in a dangerous way. All I can do is listen to myself suck on this apple core. I wonder how far I would go to become a vegetable. My own mind pulls me inwardly so infinitely that I don't even feel human. My body is like some marionette and my brain pulls the strings in all the wrong ways. I think my time on Earth is so meaningless but people make it unfair to think that way. But I don't think I'm a person. Like I was wired wrong. Like I might not be human and like I came from a faraway planet. I don't think my family is real. I don't think what my grandfather is doing is generally acceptable but for some reason, it will all be fine. (Ask me about this if you're curious, I won't be writing it here.) I don't think I like as many of my friends as I thought I did. Maybe I should start smoking cigarettes or spending all hours of the night in a club. Maybe I need to get a boyfriend like the one my father wants for me. I'm feeling really weak but I think it's wrong because I'm not as soft and squishy as my genetic makeup makes me to be. I've never cared what anyone thought of me and I'll hold onto that forever. I will write and cuss and whine until I'm dead. Until I'm buried in a grave, but not a coffin because I won't be afraid of the earth.