This is going to be a rant and will not be very exciting to read. Work has gotten me to the point where I'm very close to the brink of losing my mind. Yesterday was one of the worst work days I've ever had. Just a constant flow of rude pieces of shit sort of people. There's a server at work who nags me every fucking day for something. I think it's hilarious that literally everything I do pisses this guy off. They're always things that aren't even in my control, and I don't know if he realizes this and just dislikes me or he's just fucking stupid. I usually just ignore him because he's a shit-stain but I refuse to take it anymore. Today wasn't so bad, I had been at work for maybe ten minutes and sat one woman in a table when he mumbled something about me ignoring his tables. The bitch didn't want to sit in his section. Not my fault. I just imagined suffocating him with plastic and felt better and avoided him the rest of the night.
There's this busser chick who things she needs to tell me every week that I should fold napkins because there aren't any left. BITCH, I DO THIS EVERY SHIFT. I think she realized today how infuriated I was with her because she spoke pretty meekly today and is usually more forceful. I've gotten pretty good at making people know how few fucks I give when they're talking to me.
A woman came in for dinner yesterday. She had a reservation for four and I went to seat her and she outright refused the table I offered. She waltzed around the restaurant and asked if there were any other tables and I said no, they're are people in all of them. She walked back and forth and kept pointing at tables that were way too big for her group or could only seat two people before she finally demanded a specific table in the nice part of the restaurant. A table set for six. She made us remove two places from a massive table for her group of four. You cannot even fathom how much I wanted to choke this twat. Then when the rest of her group came in, the server told me she said "Look what I did!" These are the kinds of people that need to fucking die and never exist. This wasn't even a real problem, it's just the fact the people like this are allowed to live in the world and be selfish and shitty for no reason.
So much inane shit has been going on in my life and it's all colliding into a train wreck inside my head. Yesterday, I couldn't find my phone all morning and I screamed and yelled before I figured out where it was. It all came together today when I was getting ready for work and couldn't get a grip on an eyebrow hair that needed to be plucked. I went into my room and punched my dresser as hard as I fucking could. It was the only way I could get all my emotions out. It's like there is no other way to be angry for me. If there's anger I need to let out, I let it out on myself every time. It keeps other people from seeing how really mentally crooked I am. I just can't be angry with people. I thought it was something I should learn how to do but I'm scared I'll go too far and really lose everything. My job, my friends, my sanity. But I don't want to have to resort to hurting myself forever.