I Crumble Completely When You Cry.

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."

-- Anaïs Nin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've seen your eyes as they fix on me.

What is he doing? What on earth's the plan? Has he got one?

You better give me some pointers

since you are the big rocket launcher

and I'm just the shotgun.

The World In Ant View.

Hurray for being happy and remembering that nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

 Physically, I feel like mush because I had more alcohol than food yesterday.

But somehow my brain feels in order again.

I'm going to try this "get more than 5 hours of sleep a night" thing.

And then I'm not going to take everything so seriously because

nothing in the world matters as much as we think it does.

I love how something as simple as sleeping with the sun shining

 in my open window just pleases me beyond compare.

It's so nice outside today,

but I think I'll stay in my bedroom and read about psychology and play guitar.

All You People Are Vampires!

Today was bullshit and everything sucked.

But somehow my day turned around moments before midnight, and I'll hopefully head to bed before soon.

How odd that I might finally feel better about today right before I plunge head first into tomorrow.

 

I want to live in a house in a tree. Read books and poems all day.

Spend the day in Disneyland and spend the night at the Eiffel Tower.

I want to stop making myself sad. I don't want to wonder if crying myself to sleep will make me feel better.

I wish iTunes could tell which songs I want to hear; which ones I should hear.

Why would anyone ever want to live like this?

I can be such a fucking child sometimes.

I'm scared to go to bed,

I think I could die in my sleep.

I must find a reason to wake in the morning;

It isn't enough to dream.

Summer Haze

• Watch an entire season of any show with one friend in one day.
• Bake something delicious with homemade pot butter.
• Magic. Mushroom. Peanut. Butter. Cups.
• Never leave the house without a camera.
• Take a picture of yourself everyday.
• Propose to someone.
• Learn how to make latte art.
• Have a tea party outside at nighttime.
• Get at least one tattoo or piercing.
• Send drawings to your best friend through snail mail.
• Take a road trip to somewhere you've never been with only a map as a guide.
• Go for coffee with at least one friend wearing cocktail dresses for no reason.
• Learn how to cook your favorite meal for yourself.

• Write and mail a letter to your hero. Dead or alive.
• Camp. I don't even think this needs to be part of the list, it's so redundant.
• Design a dream home. Draw. Make lists of everything you want.
• Blow up 50 balloons then find a use for them.
• Get a record player.
• Plan your dream wedding.
• Write down every single dream you can recall.

• Play on a playground.
• Crack open a dictionary with a friend. On the odd numbered page, each of you must use the third defined word as inspiration for a short story. No exceptions, no re-dos. Share stories.
• Acquire a map of the world. Pinpoint every place you want to visit. Every single one.
• Rent and watch at least three movies starring Marilyn Monroe and/or Audrey Hepburn in one night with at least one friend.
• Sleep in your backyard for a night.

Do You Fake It For Me Like I Do You?

"Insanity is doing the same thing twice and
expecting a different outcome the second time."

"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."

The Worst Pies In London

"There is no free lunch."

"Why can't I find my own Sid?"
"Uh... Sid Vicious killed his girlfriend..."

"Take arms against a sea of troubles."

Feather Hearted

` I like when I get to spend my Sundays watching Some Like It Hot.

Marilyn Monroe makes me happy everytime, no matter what.

The next thing I write will be about her.

` Facebook killed everything about being romantic.

It's so simple to express your true feelings through an

electronic message and hope for the best.

No hastened heart to worry about.

No sinking gut or feeling like your heart is lifting off

when you see the other person's face change

in response to your naked honesty.

And when you don't hear what you want, just say "J/k lol."

Problem solved.

Internet killed the butterflies.

` I wish it were the 50's.

Basically every problem

that drives me mad right now

would not even exist.

Enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you're not affected, you're not paying attention.

You Still Love Him But She Does Too. She'll Take Him Far Away From You.

I hate to say it,
but your charms are wasted.
It may not matter,
although, I'm flattered.

You sugary boys in corner stores,
you're all so bad for my sweet teeth.
It's cute and clogs my arteries.
It's shy but full of calories.
One more teensy quip, I'm sure,

could give me diabetes.

` I don't feel like this anymore. And I don't know if that's awesome or horrible.

How Could Such A Creature Survive In Such A Habitat?

` I don't really like love songs.
I don't like girls who need a love song to feel loved.
Love songs are easy. I want a sonnet. Seriously.
Fourteen lines, perfect rhythm,
and in iambic pentameter.
And not some cop out of nonsensical content
for the sake of form.
I want it to be lyrical.
I realize this is so unlikely it shouldn't even be said.
And that's what I get for not living in the 17th century.

` I dreamt about you again.
I'm glad it happened while I was napping
so it only wrecked part of my day.
And for the first time since I left this,
I wondered if I should have.
Because my dream was perfect and possible.

And then I thought if our dreams meant something,
if they defined how we should behave
and what the right thing to do was;
we would barely be alive.
Every one of us would have jumped off a building or a bridge,
attempting to fly.
No more regrets.
I only want you in my dreams.

` Hope is nothing. Never hope.

` Dr Jack Kevorkian is a superhuman genius.
A man who aids people in ending their lives,
just made so much sense of mine.

Yours is the only ocean.

So Am I Really Free?

Fuck it all.

Fuck blue eyes. And boys who play guitar.

(Except Alex Turner.) And only listening to

songs with meaning. And needing a reason

to cry. And idolizing girls just because their

bones stick out. And simple things that I

can't use logic to define. (Males.) And

people who have no regard for life.

Fuck being your own worst enemy. And

staying in one place forever. And thinking

it's wrong to want to be alone. And apologies

that never need to be said. And feeling guilt

for things that aren't your fault. And having

good intentions that end up turning on you.

And not knowing what to say. And wishing

you were someone else.

I've waited 19 roads for you,

To steal your time: seconds; a few.

You're one of me, I'm one of you.

Let's talk of all our favorite routes.

If You'd Only Say Yes.

We can't share a silence.

The world gets way to quiet.

But everytime I hear you speak,

I want to start a riot.

Anything to shut you up,

Your voice will slowly drive me nuts,

I will burn my eyes and ears,

I hate you that damn much.

` Yes, I'm aware this is angry and incoherent.

I just don't understand myself today.

I'm sad for no reason.

And I kind of hate everything.

` You make me feel like such an asshole.

I don't mean to be rude, I just don't know how to deal with this

and it's all I can do to keep from feeling bad later.

I'm trying to get the worst part over now, but you're dragging it out.

There is no transparency, please get over it

and leave me alone. Because I'm hurting and I shouldn't have to.

I Could Be Your State And I Could Be Your Nation.

And so I never really knew;
why I do the things I do.
All that I can say is true;
is that I never think of you.

You tried to make me feel bad,
but I declined, you see.
'Cause The knives I put in your back
were the ones you threw at me.

Now that you've got your weapons back,
I hope you're faring well.
I hope you've learned how not to put
another girl through hell.

Go say things you really mean,
without being so fucking mean.

Suddenly, I'm glad you're gone,

I probably shouldn't brag.
But I just couldn't carry you
That weight; I couldn't drag.

Take some time to fix the things you broke.
Take back the words you didn't mean, yet spoke.

Why don't we just sit and stare and do nothing?

Nothing at all for a while.

I like the way you smile.

Will You Hold My Hand When I Go?

` I wonder how many people read these stupid posts.
It's kind of scary to think of.

So hey,
if you don't know me personally,
or if you know I don't like you much,
stop reading my blog.
Thanks.

` Well, I was going to play guitar.
But someone who lives next door is playing theirs
and they are way better than I am
and it's too warm to shut the window
and I wish I could see them.

I guess that's all I have to complain about today.

` I really just want to pack a suitcase of my favorite things and move to France.
Some days this seems like the only solution.

`Go get the new She & Him album.

Bloom Where You Are Planted.

` The greatest thing I've done recently is make a boy ten years older than me my best friend.
You've helped me sort the puzzles in my brain. I'm very grateful for your logic and honesty.
My heart is now unbreakable. I owe you one.

"So you've got a month to try and get him.
If something happens, great!
If not, you never have to see him again.

So... why are you stressed exactly?"

I Think You're Confusing Sadness With Relief.

Stop letting other people tell you how to feel.

Stop feeling the same things over and over.

Feel something new.

For something different.

Lovers are fleeting and they never stay.

We're all just too young.

I'm not ready to love yet,

I don't know when I will be,

and I'm certain it won't be soon.

And it doesn't even make me sad.

All The Pretty Visitors Came And Waved Their Arms And Cast The Shadow Of A Snakepit On The Wall.

I woke up alarmed

I didn't know where
 I was at first

Just that I woke up
in your arms

And almost immediately
I felt sorry.

'Cause I didn't think
this would happen again.

No matter what I could
do or say.

Just that I didn't think
this would happen again.

With or without my best intentions.

And what ever happened to a boyfriend?

The kind of guy who tries to win you over.

And what ever happened to a boyfriend?
The kind of guy who makes love cause he's in it.

I want a boyfriend.
I want all that stupid old shit
Like letters and sodas

You got up out of bed.
You said you had a lot of work to do,
But I heard the rest in your head.
And almost immediately I felt sorry.
I can feel it in my bones;
I'm gonna spend another year alone.

It's fuck and run,
Fuck and run.
Even when I was seventeen.
Fuck and run,
Fuck and run.
Even when I was twelve.


You almost felt bad.
You said that I should call you up but
I knew much better than that.
And almost immediately I felt sorry.

And I can feel it in my bones;

I'm gonna spend my whole life alone!

`I should probably stop listening to this song.

I relate way too much.

But it makes me think of my very best friend.

If I could find a way

to fly to you right now,

I would in a snap.

`I threw you out of my life tonight.

It was hard.

But it was good.

I Wish He Never Looked At Me That Way.

I'll Be Gettin' Out As Soon As I Can Fly.

Fuck.

My.

Fucking.

Life.

` Don't get your hopes up.

I'm going to tear you the fuck apart.

Write With The Pen In Your Mouth.

Be honest with me when I ask
if she's who he adores.
I can't help but feel like I
have heard this all before.

The life I live; the story that's been
told a thousand times.
It's written in a catacomb
On walls of stone and lime.

The hourglass which poured its sand
and etched out every rhyme;
It's broken now, it's on a shelf,
And hidden in my mind.

We're The Queens Of Noise; Come And Get It, Boys.

Life is good today.
There isn't much to make me sad right now.
I hope I haven't jinxed anything.

All of this needs to be in my wardrobe.

Clumsy Hands.

`I really miss my best friends.
I hate the world for not letting
me be happy in the city where they are.

`Here's a quote from someone who is probably
the closest I have to a best friend out here;

"The gift is only as good as the giver who gives it."

He said it a couple days ago.
It's a long story in the way it relates to me.

Still I think many people would appreciate

the validity of it in their own lives.

Cherry Bomb.

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's yesterday.
I realized that I am Holly Golightly.

I saw the Runaways today.
I want to be Joan Jett.

"I'll never let anybody put me in a cage."

No More Calling Like A Crow For A Boy; For A Body In The Garden.

I don't know what to do about you,
I don't know what to do about him,
And I don't know what to do about us.

Fighting too many battles at once makes them equally undefeatable.

Some days I just can't seem
to listen to these songs.
They don't sound the same
if our conversations go wrong.

And then I make you laugh.
I see you smile at me.
It's those days that make
These songs so heavenly.

And when you find someone to love,
The one who'll love you back.
Do you live your life double

or do you cut it in half?

How do I make him love me?

How can I make you stop?

I wish that I could be as

confident and reckless as you.

I'm much too vain, far too concious

to simply come unglued.

Who is the lamb and who is the knife?